Acts 9: Questions by Jesus and Saul

"Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?" - Jesus.

It strikes me as strange that Jesus would ask this question. If we understand Jesus as being the preeminent Son of God, it would be strange that He asks this question. Surely He knows the answer.

There's something about this phrase that strikes me as intensely emotional. Like Jesus is taking Saul's persecution against the church very personally. The Bridegroom defending the Bride...

Part of me wonders as the timing of His appearance to Jesus. Why now? Why not during those three years when Jesus was roaming the dusty streets of Palestine or the shores of the Sea of Galilee or the synagogues of Jerusalem? Why was it only now that Jesus revealed Himself fully to Saul? Saul could have had three years with Jesus on earth, but instead He gets knocked on his butt and blinded for a few days, with no personal history with Jesus. He could've had an intense but solid friendship with Jesus like Peter. We all know how the story goes: he becomes one of the founding fathers of the church and perhaps the greatest evangelist of all time.

But not without a track record of murder and persecution.

I often find myself frustrated with God's timing. Life constantly feels like a series of stages where we are aching to move onto the next stage. If we're in school, we want to graduate. If we're not in school, we're thinking about going back to school. If we are employed, we are trying to find a way out of that cubicle job into what we REALLY want to do. If we're not in a relationship, we want to get into one. If we're in one, we're looking to the uncertainty of the future to define the present. We're looking for the next trip, the next escape, the next relationship, the next phase.

I'm learning and re-learning that God's not the one that needs to speed things up or slow things down to accommodate my preferences. I'm the one who needs to humble myself, adjust my perspective and recognize that His timing is always, always perfect. I need to trust. I need to wait. I need to rest in His peace.

And like, everything else, these imperfections and inconveniences and even tragedies are opportunities for God's amazing grace to break through and show us that He is Love and we truly don't deserve an ounce of what we get from Him.

The funny thing is, is that Saul doesn't even bother to answer Jesus' question, "Why do you persecute me?" I'm not exactly sure what Saul/Paul's answer was, but I think we all know and feel the answer to that question. We're broken, we don't see clearly, we are made up of a thousand tiny excuses and self-entitlements. We persecute Jesus and His church with all the tiny trespasses of our hearts that demand that we remain the center of our own universes, that our comfort and reputation and agenda and motives far surpass the glory of the kingdom, or the grace and love of Jesus Christ. I'm not dragging people off to prison but I sometimes wonder how much I persecute the church when speaking truth and voicing honest frustrations quickly devolves into unnecessary cynicism and criticism.

He answers Jesus' question with a question: "Who are you, Lord?" I think that's something I need to ask myself more frequently. Who is Jesus to me? Is He an abstraction, a vague comfort? Or is He an actual presence, the God-Man (as our friend Trent Shepherd likes to call him), that has a living, active daily interest, purpose and intimacy in my life and the lives of people around me?

I hope my heart recognizes the latter is true on a daily basis.